Sunday, October 9, 2011

little asian girl +1

Heelloooo!!! To all my legions of fans.....little asian girl is PREGNANT (and have been for the past 4.5 months) and is having a little asian girl baby!

WHaT?! HuH?!.....i know right?! Which is (by the way) the EXACT reaction that hubby and I had when we found out, because we weren't planning on having a baby any time soon. But alas, the universe had other plans and here we are. 

As you may have guessed already, although little asian girl's adventures are quite....interesting..... to say the least BOY OH BOY is it a doozy when you're pregnant! So starts the series of posts that hopefully will bring some entertainment, laughter, and useful knowledge to the masses on what it is like being a little (pregnant) asian girl.

Now where should I start...soooo many lovely things happen to you when you're pregnant. And although I have had what people say a "dream" pr nab nomnWing sickness, no crazy cravings for pickles sandwiched between fudge pops.....) there still are many things that are not "dreamy" about being pregnant.

Here is a list of my (current) top 5 peeves about what people say or do about pregnancy. I say current cuz my pet peeves change about every 5 minutes or so, but people generally annoy me so this may not be a pregnant thing..(hmmm...something to think about.....)

1. "OH it's so WONDERFUL being pregnant!!" to which I say (not aloud of course~) "really bitch?" 

I mean who is this woman going around telling people that she LOVES being pregnant?! What's so great about it? You're tired all the time, everything you smell makes you gag, people constantly try to touch you, your booty gets bigger by the day... (and I don't care pregnant or not, when you put on your favorite pair of jeans and they no longer zip....it pisses you off) Along with a myriad of other "wonderful" symptoms and side effects of having another human being suck all the life and nutrients out of you. (can you tell I love my baby?! ha) So if I ever find the loud mouthed blogger who has nothing to do all day but blog about her 5th pregnancy and how wonderful it is, i'm going to hit her over the head with the keyboard. (I bet it's that mom on that reality TV show with the 20 kids (and counting!) who takes her clan to Wal-Mart to sing Kum Ba Ya in 10 part harmony for the shoppers....b*iT*h) 

2.  " When my neighbors, son's friend's sister had her baby it was so big that they had to cut a slit down her a**hoLe so that the head would fit!" 

WHAT THE HELL KIND OF STORY IS THAT TO TELL SOMEONE WHO'S NEVER HAD A BABY BEFORE! There is already a plethora of scary, traumatic, and down right disgusting labor/delivery stories out there that I'm sure a neurotic, type A, control freak (like me) has already read about on the web. I don't need to hear ANOTHER story about how another baby died from umbilical cord strangulation after it was delivered. Stupid freakin idiots! 

3. "WOw you gained a lot of weight!" 

*baNgiNg hEad oN tAbLe tOp* yes. you're right. i have gained weight. BUT I'M PREGNANT YOU MORON! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS! what's you're excuse?! ( I btw have only gained 11 pounds in the past months,and all of it is contained in my stomach, hips and butt regions. No face fat. THANK GOD no face fat)

4. " I think you should name your baby Agnus, or Chad or OH HOW ABOUT Theodora!" (btw, these really are names that people have been suggesting to me)

Really? did I ask you?? I don't give you suggestions on what I think you're name should of been. Don't give me suggestions on what to name my baby. Cuz frankly I don't give a sH*t. and from now on I shall call you princess pea pod. (no offense to anyone named princess pea pod)

Now this final one is not really something that pisses me off per se, but it just shows how men will NEVER really know anything about being pregnant. (lucky bastards) 
So I've been pretty much normal during my pregnancy. Like I said I haven't really had any pregnancy symptoms so I'm like my usual high energy, happy self. But there are days of course when my head is pounding, everything I ate that day has made me nauseous and all I want to do is go to bed and never get out. So I'll say to my Chris " OH I'm SOO tired, and I don't know if I can make dinner tonight" to which he will respond........

5. "just make something easy~"

MAKE SOMETHING EASY?! MAKE SOMETHING EASY?! HOW ABOUT "oh ok, let's order pizza or go to that thai place you like." make something easy....*ACk* YOU MAKE SOMETHING EASY! (now people who are reading this and thinking "oh what a mean pregnant wife" I would like you to know that I have been making him dinner almost every single day pregnant, not pregnant whatever for the past 8 months since we got married!)  AND my sister-in- law, Chris's brother's wife, said she didn't cook her ENTIRE pregnancy and just laid on the couch and order her husband around. So my husband has it easy! 


So here so far is what my life has been like the past four months in a nutshell. A lot of fake smiling and acting interested, trying REALLY hard not to make my eyeballs roll into the back of my head. I still have 5 more months of this to go, hopefully you won't hear news about "crazy pregnant little asian girl strangles innocent bystander with crib sheet" on the news anytime soon. 

There once where 4 sisters....

Lory was the oldest, and therefore the "boss" none of the other sisters really messed around with her. Jane was the second only a mere year younger than Lory, but was more shy and sensitive. Patty was the third, mischievous and easily annoyed. And Kelly, the baby of the bunch and therefore could be quite prissy and bratty at times.

The four girls planned to go on a sister's road trip to Arizona. Three days of gossip, shopping, and relaxing, but at the last minute Kelly couldn't go, so Lory, Jane and Patty decided to go without her. (Much to Kelly's dismay...she pouted a little) So as they were driving along, Lory fell asleep in the car and started snoring. Upon hearing the snores Patty started to scheme and giggle as she quietly snapped photos of her older sister with her camera phone. Lory had her mouth open, head back, and was really knocked out. Jane, who was sitting next to Patty, was embarrassed by the whole situation and was trying to silence the giggles that were coming uncontrollably from within. Patty and Jane (more so Jane) were slightly afraid of what their older sister might do if she found out, but personal entertainment trumped any type of fear they had at that point. Then, Patty proceeded to text the pictures to baby Kelly who back at home, was wishing she could be on the trip with her sisters. Lory later woke up unaware of all that had gone on and the trip proceed without much event.

A few days later, they were sharing these photos with each other and showing them to others, and reliving the fun time they had together. Kelly, although she had missed the trip, was glad that her sister's still thought about her while they were gone. (Cuz God forbid they didn't think about her!) 

Now, while you were reading this story you might have thought "oh how cute these young ladies living out their youth, building bonds of sisterhood and family."

EXCEPT THESE LADIES ARE MY MOTHER AND AUNTS WHO ARE ALL 50 YRS. OLD OR OLDER AND ACTING LIKE LITTLE SCHOOL GIRLS! SNAPPING PHOTOS OF EACH OTHER WHILE THEY'RE SLEEPING AND TAKING 10 MINUTES TO SEND A TEXT BECAUSE THEY FORGOT THEIR GLASSES IN THEIR OTHER PURSE AND CAN'T READ THE PHONE MENU OPTIONS! Can you imagine 3 little korean ladies (and their poor chaufer husbands) all crammed in a minivan, trying to make it to the Grand Canyon? And my aunt kelly sitting at her desk with her bifocals on trying to figure out how to view the pic. text she just received! Muttering to herself "how am I suppose to view this? Why is everything so small? How can I make the picture bigger?" 

*siGh*

"what a crazy bunch of ladies" 

Friday, October 7, 2011

moving. the poor man's work out~

Originally dated July 29, 2010


So in the recent days I have realized ONE thing good about moving. And I don't mean moving in the sense of like moving from one place to a newer place, but the actual physical act of lifting boxes, walking up and down, up and down, UP AND DOWN flights of stairs. So the one good thing is that....

 IT IS A HELL OF A WORK OUT FOR THE BOTTOM HALF OF MY BODY SO MY ASS IS ROCKIN' !!!!!!

Since neither my old apt nor my new "condo" (which is basically an apartment but the money hungry, greedy, grubby, property owners/developers have decided to rename the units as "condos" and charge us extra "home owners association" fee and give us stupid rules like "if you want to change the locks on your house you need to find the same one as all the other door locks so it will look the same." WELL WHAT IF I WANT A PINK GLITTERY DECORATIVE HANDLE WITH KEYPAD ENTRY??!!! AND WHO THE HELL CARES ANYWAY?!

Anyways, I've been walking up and down literally like 60 flights of stairs a day (two flights at each place but I have to go up and down them like a million times each) carrying boxes (aka "weights") so my ass is really going upwards and looking quite plump! The only drawback to this seemingly faultless side effect is that my panties are now fitting a little too snugly and I get wedgies every time I get up to go somewhere, because the panties are no longer covering the whole cheek. So now when I'm in public I have to find secret spots where no is looking so I can pick the wedgie outta my ass, kinda embarrassing, but I'll suffer through it. Besides my aunt gave me a $50 Victoria's Secret gift card for my bridal shower that I still haven't used, so I'll just by some bigger panties and keep the nice ass. 

home ownership...the american dream?

Originally dated July 26, 2010


- paint and supplies to paint your new place with (which you thought would only take two days, but because SOMEONE IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD (which currently is just me and my hubby...and although I am a perfectionist, I'm not talking about myself) is SUCH A PERFECTIONIST it actually took 4 days: $500.00

- couch to put into the newly painted space (that wife told to be delivered, but husband said he would pick up and move himself with warehouse guy to save on delivery charge, and since the couch weighed like 300 lbs and we have no elevator took them over an hour and many ALEEVE tablets to move up two flights of stairs):
$900.00

- new and SUPER CUTE cabinet knobs from Anthropologie that husband says he hates and will have to be returned: $84.00  

- satisfaction of owning your very own home......I SWEAR IF SOMEONE SAYS PRICELESS I'M GONNA SHOVE A CABINET KNOB DOWN THEIR THROAT!